Soul Power Coaching

Mollie Malone - Certified Professional Life Coach

Note From Mollie:

Dear Friend,

Last month the invitation was to start paying attention to what thoughts or beliefs are related to the state of feeling good and to the state of not feeling good, then to imagine what life might be like if any of those thoughts were impossible. What would your life be like, completely in the flow of nature?

This month I’ve offered you a very brief investigation into the formation of negative patterns of thought and behavior—wherein lie their beginnings, how they impact your pursuit of happiness, and how you might begin to neutralize their habitual, often instinctive activation, so that you can make choices that are aligned with what you truly desire.

A gentle reminder--September 12 is the beginning of the last Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction program for 2008. If you are interested in joining me for this interactive tele-class, please don’t delay in contacting me for your registration. You will want to purchase your textbook and have completed the assessment before the first class.

As always, I welcome your responses and your reactions to each month’s newsletter. This month’s topic is actually much bigger than I am able to squeeze into your monthly newsletter. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Warmly,

Mollie

Sept., 2008
Vol 1, Issue 3

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Mollie Recommends:

Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction Teleclass

Are you re-evaluating your career?

Are you ready to explore new horizons?

Are you needing to do something radically different with your life?

Then the Now What? program is for you.

In this program you will:

Get to know yourself and learn to trust your intuition
Break through limiting behaviors and mind sets
Find a sense of purpose
Discover how to activate seemingly synchronistic support from others
Clearly identify a new life direction

Upcoming NOW WHAT? Teleclass

Why struggle to figure out on your own what you should be doing with your life? It's one of life's toughest questions. Why not have a trained guide, your own sherpa, if you will, to guide you to who you really are and what you are meant to do with your life?

In this very concrete, practical program, you will be led out of the confusion or indecision and find a clear direction for your future. "Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction" is based on the book of the same name by Laura Berman Fortgang. Mollie Malone, a licensed facilitator for this course, will be your guide to find out what's next for you and to come up with a plan on how to get there.

WHEN:

BEGINNING September 12, 2008, for 12 weeks, ending on November 28.

TIME:

9:00 AM PACIFIC TIME
1:00 PM ATLANTIC TIME
The time may be adjusted to agree with your schedule if at all possible.

FORMAT:

Teleclass. We meet once a week over the telephone. Class size is limited to 8 participants.

COST:

$150.00 USD/ month for 3 months
Approx. $50.00 USD for the book & online workbook

BONUS:

One 30-40 minute private telephone coaching session with Mollie per client.

Learn more about the Now What? program here. This is the LAST session that will be held this year! To register call Mollie at 902-892-4653 or email her at molliem@attglobal.net.

Feature Article:

A Very Short Version of How Negative Patterns Get in The Way of Our Heart’s Desire
by Mollie Malone, MA CPCC PCC

This was the designated year for my husband’s regularly occurring family reunion. Family members converged from many areas of North America to meet in Prince Edward Island, Canada. Usually, this is an event primarily represented by John’s side of the family. A big, and wonderful difference this year was that John’s and my entire blended family was also here with their families--fifteen, plus one still in his mommy’s belly. And blessing of blessings is that they were all able to stay on our property down by the river. This reunion has been full and rich with heart-opening experiences.

At the same time, as is usually the way when extended families get together, the reunion was a fine arena for watching family patterns and limiting beliefs play themselves out. In order to protect the innocent and to allow us to maintain some small portion of our dignity, I will spare you the fascinating details of how each of us, myself included, played our roles in our particular family systems. This is not to say we were out of control and embarrassing to ourselves and others. Actually, we were all looking pretty good and really enjoying being together. The fact is, however, that limiting beliefs and negative patterns of thought and behavior pretty much come with the experience of being human. That is, until we decide to do something about it. The problem is that we often internalize these patterns and beliefs to the degree that we begin to believe that the negative patterns are part of who we are and that they are true representations of how things are. This is a huge area where we unconsciously turn ourselves away from the potential for experiencing “off-the-charts” happiness. A basic understanding of how negative patterns operate can be the beginning of turning your life experience back toward what you truly desire.

To personalize how this topic might apply to you, consider some desire that you are consistently unable to fulfill—financial security, satisfying work, rich friendships with like-minded people, a home or a place in the world where you feel truly safe and nourished, an experience of your own self worth, a peaceful relationship with your family of origin, a fulfilling relationship. Maybe it is addiction you struggle with, or unrelenting heartache. The list goes on and on. It may not even be one of these “big” challenges, but more of a nagging desire just to have more happiness in your life. Each of these areas can be a veritable playground for what author Rick Carson calls your “gremlins”, a metaphor for the negative patterns and mis-beliefs that run your life.

In general, these “gremlins”, these negative patterns of behavior and thought, begin to develop very early in childhood. The short version of how it goes is this: Every child needs unconditional love in order to thrive. In fact, studies have shown that some expression of love and affection is necessary for our survival. An infant who does not receive any expression of love often dies. Now, because we are instinctively wired for survival, infants and children will do whatever it takes to feel cared for and safe in their world. They will alter their behavior and the meaning they give to the events of their lives in order to feel loved and protected by their primary caretakers. For instance, a baby’s mother may come home tired and cranky at the end of a long day. Baby is wet and hungry and begins to cry. Without even thinking, Baby’s mother picks Baby up just a little too roughly, or perhaps with an annoyed attitude. Baby doesn’t know mom is just tired. Baby processes that it does not feel good; not safe. Over time, Baby may learn not to cry when it needs something in order to keep its relationship with mom feeling safe. In adulthood this could translate into someone who has learned not to ask for what they need.

Another example is that of a child who has very controlling and/or fearful parents who don’t allow the child to learn from its own mistakes. Most young children, as a result of the natural dependency on adults for survival, cannot imagine that their parents could ever be wrong, and the adults, out of their own patterns and mis-beliefs just cannot see how wonderfully competent and resourceful their child really is. The child ends up believing that its own natural instincts and curiosity in exploring the world must not be trustworthy. Given enough time and enough repetitions, these behaviors and beliefs become deeply ingrained, unchallenged habits that are then carried into adulthood. The hundreds and hundreds of ways in which we develop these often unconscious patterns is astonishing. The problem is, that as adults, we no longer need our parents’ love and approval in order to survive, but still, we base our interactions with life as if it were so.

Take note that this is not about blaming our parents for our unmet needs. It is only about explaining how we take on thoughts and behaviors that are not true to who we are. Our parents did their own version of altering their pure, perfect selves for the sake of love, and unknowingly passed those patterns on to us.

The good news is that these negative patterns are learned. As such, it is possible to “unlearn” them and to replace them with life choices based on your free will rather than on survival. While there are numerous methodologies for disempowering your “gremlins”, most begin, in some way, with increasing your awareness of their existence and noticing the negative impact that they have on your life. Once you are aware of your very own hundreds (I really mean hundreds) of negative patterns, you are in a position to banish those nasty imposters, and to forgive yourself and your childhood caretakers for not having been able to honor the magnificently loveable, resourceful, creative and whole you, that you are. Released from the grip of your gremlins, you can now make conscious and deliberate choices that have their roots in the core of who you really are and what is important to you, personally. It is my belief and my observation that this is the weeded, and well-prepared soil from which happiness has a chance to flourish.

Try this:

Go back to that “something” that you desire but have not been able to bring forth into your life.

What thoughts and beliefs come to you about that? (write them down)

How do these thoughts and beliefs cause you to behave?

Now look at what your parents might have thought or believed or done in a similar situation.

From which one of them did you learn to think or respond that way?

There’s a tricky aspect to these patterns in that we sometimes take on an opposite, or reactionary pattern. Unfortunately it is really only the other side of the same coin--more about that another day. For now, just notice the impact in your life.

None of these negative patterns are who you really are, and all of them get in the way of having a fulfilling and happy life. Awareness is the beginning of being able to make healthier, more productive choices. Enjoy!